Happy Halloween!

I wore my Pendleton Roundup getup to work today. I love the irony of an Indian working for an Indian agency dressing up as a cowboy. It reminds me of the time my brothers and I dressed up as pioneers for the Pioneer Day celebration in Utah. (Although both costumes are legitimate--I have both pioneer AND cowboy ancestors... well, can you call sheep ranchers "cowboys?")

I remember one Halloween in Norway, the missionaries all got together for a party--which had to be a little secretive, since Norwegians didn't celebrate Halloween and seeing Mormons dress up would only confirm their suspicions that we were devil worshippers. My favorite costume was one of the sister missionaries dressed up as a nun... she even had a tin foil crucifix! We all thought it was hilarious that one over-the-top religious fanatic was dressing up as another over-the-top religious fanatic. I can just imagine how livid our mission president would have been had he known that she was dressed up like that! He probably would have made her say a bunch of Hail Mary's knock on a bunch of strangers' doors and talk to them about God or something. (Shudder.)

Urban pastorale

Our neighbors are selling their house (which has been really sad, by the way). But every weekend, the house is descended upon by people gawking through the windows, walking around the house trying to get glimpses inside. Yesterday was particularly busy, as the weather has been sunny and warm (I know, it's like were not in the Pacific Northwest!). Well, Margaret and I probably started out making a great impression on would-be buyers. Margaret was practicing piano, which gives the illusion that this is our town house and that most of our time is spent in Vienna. I happened to be reading the New York Times (which the departing neighbors gave to us as a going away present), so I was giving the illusion that we were transplants from the Big Apple, bringing an air of sophistication to the neighborhood. Unfortunately both illusions are shattered once people walk around the house and see our ramshackle garage with a giant tattered Irish flag (remnants from a baby shower for some Irish friends almost TWO years ago) hanging in lieu of an actual door. That gives the illusion that we are refugees from the Irish potato famine and still haven't gotten back on our feet. And I guess that that's the illusion that people eventually believe, since the house still hasn't sold. (And I'm sure it has nothing to do with my propensity to walking around the house naked, which I'm sure would have ensured that the house would have been snatched up by now!

Standard Time anticipation

Is it wrong or abnormal for me to be so looking forward to Sunday's time shift? I find myself--particularly when the alarm goes off at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am--dreaming of getting to sleep for another whole hour. It's so alluring that I've been thinking about it all week. Unfortunately it only happens once a year, and you pay for that 60 extra minutes of unconsiousness with dragging yourself out of bed an hour early in the spring.

Too bad employers don't schedule the work day according to the sun. During the winter, when my enthusiasm and ambition is sloth-like, I'd like to come to work around 11 and leave around 3 (which by the way, is more of a Norwegian work schedule--they are SO far advanced than we are!). Unfortunately that would mean that in the summer, we'd have to work from 6 am to 8 pm. Maybe this is a happy medium.

I remember one time in Norway, I was living about 200 miles north of the Arctic Circle. It was the early spring, so we had light, but not 24 sunlight like in the summer. Well, one time, we had stayed up a little too late and noticed that the sky was already lightening up. We decided to stay up to see exactly when the sun came up, so we waited, and waited, and WAITED. FINALLY at around 6:30 am, the sun peeked over the horizon. We hadn't realized that the sun's path that far north was so low that the light showed up hours and hours before the sun's actual arrival--the sun hovered just under the horizon. We finally went to bed at 7:00 am, and promptly got in trouble with our leaders, who thought we were just lazy. (Which we weren't--we were conducting a scientific experiement!)

Flasher

Don't you hate it when you forget to buckle your belt back up after you've gone to the bathroom while on the Portland State University campus and don't realize it until you've left the building, waited at a crosswalk, and walked another block after that only to see your belt sticking out in front of you? I'm not saying that that happened to me... uh, I was just thinking how that would be the WORST!

Photo complaints

Yesterday I cheated and just stole a picture off the internet, after searching for "birthday cake on face." Well, after being accused a racist for using a photo of an obviously Aryan baby, I hunted up this photo of me, which was no small task--do you KNOW how hard it is to get photos out of the National Archive's holdings? Evidently the photographer couldn't get me to smile, grin, or even show any happiness whatsoever. They finally contented themselves with snapping the photo the split second after pulling the pacifier from my mouth. I think it gives me that, "you've got to be frickin' KIDDING me" look that is so popular these days. It's evident that even at a few months old, I was already very advanced in my world-weariness and ennui.

Plus-- look at my fauxhawk then, it's almost identical to the one I'm sporting in my bio picture to the right! I have to content myself with that for the time being, since I'm probably going to have to move to a monk haircut with my genes.

Blogiversary

Wow! A whole year has passed since I started this blog. What started out as a procrastination technique turned into something that I looked forward to doing, even after the thing I was procrastinating was completed. It has allowed me to keep in touch with a lot of family and friends that we live far away from. (Well, not necessarily 'in touch' as most of them never leave comments--hint, hint) It has made me more aware of the happenings going on around me (since I was constantly in need of new blog fodder I had to keep my eyes peeled for unusual stuff, and lo and behold--Portland delivered!), and most importantly, it has made me take more risks or do random things, again so I'd have something to write about--like when I danced in the cage at the dance club with no shirt on... oh, wait, I didn't write about that... uh, maybe later. Anyway! I've never been one to be a regular journal writer, but something about knowing that people are reading some random thought or activity (along with inappropriate comments) is so driving. This past year has been interesting and eventful to say the least (my diatribes on the superiority of peanut butter on chocolate chip bagels notwithstanding), and I hope that the upcoming year is even better!

Jury duty experiences, vol. 1

I just got culled from my first call-up: a medical negligence lawsuit. Evidently saying that you don't believe in big medical malpractice settlements because the money could be better used by hospitals in helping more people doesn't endear you to the prosecution. Maybe the next one I get called up for will be a nice juicy homocide that features testimony from CSI:Portland officers. That'd be AWESOME! Stay tuned...

Jury duty

Yay! The jury room has an internet connection! This won't be as bad as I thought it was going to be. This morning, I dodged the bullet by not being called to serve on the grand jury rotation during the course of the entire WEEK! The last time I served on a jury, I had to serve for a week, listening to the ins and outs of brick veneer construction techniques. BOOOORRRINGGG! And prior to that, I served on a jury in college, judging other students on various crimes, such as over-piousness, charges of self-righteousness, and basic ignorance. As a rule of thumb, they were all guilty, which made the judgements quick and easy... in most cases it only took a few seconds. If only the OFFICIAL judicial system were so efficient!

Oy! What a WEEK!

Well, the event went off without a hitch... Well, I take that back--we did have someone trying to sell illegal Indian artifacts, which is a pretty severe federal offense--but other than THAT, it went off without a hitch. Oh, yeah, also except the TORRENTIAL RAINS that caused the Vietnam veteran presenters to have flashbacks of Southeast Asia during the monsoons. But other than THAT, it went off without a hitch. Afterward I was looking forward to a couple of days relaxation, or at least mind-numbing paperwork. Well, that wasn't in the cards. Here's a breakdown of the post-event week:

Monday: Take down, transport, and lay out seven SATURATED tepees. If they hadn't weighed 600 lbs. we would have tried wringing them out! I have no idea how the old time Indians moved those things! (I'm guessing they had the sense to only move camp after good weather--those crafty devils!)

Tuesday: Go to Seattle for a salmon-related event up there. (At least that was in the evening--I did get to squeeze in a trip to Ikea AND Red Robin! Yay! Unfortunately, I got a call from work that I was needed the next day to go to Astoria, Oregon to give a presentation first thing Thursday morning! So much for some R&R!

Wednesday: Since I was taking the train back from Seattle, I just got off in Longview, Washington, where the other presenters were driving through en route to Astoria and they picked me up and we all went out together. The train ride was pretty enjoyable, as I was assigned a seat next to a woman born in the same year as my grandfather. And she was more liberal than I AM! (And that's saying something!) The whole trip, she'd comment on people's houses we'd see from the train window, conservation, the war in Iraq, etc. It was great.

Thursday: Gave my salmon culture presentation to a group affiliated with the Smithsonian Insitute. Following my presentation, the City of Astoria presentation included a chef, who showed the group how to prepare pesto-encrusted salmon baked in brie, dungenes crab cakes, and pan-fried oysters, after which, we all got to eat our fill! I didn't need to eat anything else the rest of the day!

Friday: Finally got back to work and a woman who breeds Pomeranian dogs brought in her two new puppies. Now I don't mind pets IN THEORY, I can't stand strange animals. Well, the lady brought them into my office to show them to me. She set them on the ground, where one instantly proceeded to PEE on my carpet!!! She half-heartedly cussed out the dog, picking it up and handing it to me to hold while she cleaned up the mess. Ugg! Anyway, while she was cleaning up the pee, the other dog POOPED on the carpet! I had to leave my office, not being able to even BE in there while she cleaned it up. Of all the offices that that would happen in, it just HAD to be in the germaphobe's office!!! I went to the operations manager, who gave me the good news that coincidentally the office carpets are being shampooed next week. Phew! (Although I got a multi-pack of plug-in air fresheners at Costco for my office.) I just shuddered thinking back on the incident as I typed it! Later, telling the story to our friends who had a baby a few months ago, I got absolutely NO sympathy! Evidently having to clean up a baby that has filled the legs of his pajamas with diarrhea trumps dog poop in your office.

Saturday: First, the gang convened to visit the Velveteria--a back velvet painting museum here in town. I KNOW! Who would have thought that Portland would finally join the cultural ranks of such citites as Paris, Rome, London, or New York! This month's feature exhibit was "The Evolution of Michael Jackson: From Detox to Botox." They went from his Jackson 5 days all the way to the present, where he's a white woman. Some of the paintings were so random, including the Pink Panther sitting on a toilet, Dr. Kevorkian, the Heaven's Gate cult leader, and lots and lots of naked ladies! We enjoyed the museum so much, we're thinking of commissioning a velvet painting of our wedding picture in front of the Salt Lake temple. Nothing says "this is going to last forever" like classy, classy black velvet. Later, the gang reconvened for a late dinner, followed by going to a club. I used the Red Bull trick again and was still going strong at 1:30 when we left. (The others hadn't followed my lead, evidently, or we would have been there till closing with all the caffeine coursing through my veins.) Walking back to the car, we passed Voodoo doughnuts, which is a famous late-night doughnut shop here in Portland that caters to the hipster and alternative crowd and something completely off-the-wall is always happened there. Well, it didn't disappoint! When we looked in the shop, one of the guys standing in line was only wearing tennis shoes and a strategically placed coconut shell! (And with a slight adjustment, he'd be able to carry THREE doughnuts! COMMENT REDACTED AS THIS IS A FAMILY BLOG!) None of the other patrons seemed to even notice the guy (Although I wasn't interested in buying a doughnut after that.) Ahh, Portland!

Tomorrow I start jury duty, so at this rate, I'm tentatively penciling in June 15, 2008 as when my life is scheduled to return to normal. (That's assuming the Greenland icecap hasn't melted, in which case, I'll have to move the date to February 3, 2022.

D-day

Aiiiiieeeeeeee!