Space age toilets

There's a current drive here in Portland to offer more public toilets downtown. Not that I would ever use one myself, but I guess there's a need for homeless, tourists, and people with overactive bladder syndrome. Well in the paper this morning, there was an article about Seattle's problems with their high-tech public toilets. They had automatic sliding doors like on Star Trek that automatically open 10 minutes after someone has gone in, whether they're done or not. Well in the article, it talked about a women who was walking by one of these toilets right as the door swished open automatically like on the starship Enterprise, only instead of seeing Captain Kirk, she saw a naked homeless man trying to wash himself in the sink! When I told this to my brother, he instantly retorted with, "Set phasers to 'stunned'!" Classic.

Redheads

There's a guy that Margaret and I keep seeing at Noah's Bagels in the morning who has long hair, which isn't by itself that noticable. What makes it memorable is that it's bright red. We've dubbed him "The Volcano." I'm glad that my brother isn't there to see it, as the mere sight of a redheaded man ignites a fury in him that burns as bright as their hair. I shudder to imagine what he would do at the sight of that much red hair.

Star Trek marathon

Over the weekend, Margaret and I rented an entire season of Star Trek:Voyager from the local independent video rental store. We love the store, as they have absolutely everything... they even have a Czech animation section! How specialized is THAT? It's where I rent Norwegian films, too. Anyway, the way they rent tv series is you have to rent the entire season, not just individual discs from the season. Well, one season of Voyager was comprised of SEVEN dvds! I was watching three to fours hours a day of shows just to make sure I watched them all (except for that Klingon episode... ever since knowing someone in college who was WAY too into Klingons, I've been turned off by them.) We eventually finished the season finale at 10 minutes before they were due back at the rental store... mission accomplished!

Well after 28 hours of watching the 24th century, I'm now seeing all sorts of Star Trekky stuff around me. I'm aggravated that my computers are so slow, I'm having dreams that I'm on a star ship, and I find myself becoming as emotionless as a Vulcan... oh, strike that last one... I confused being dead inside with being emotionless... which is WAY different.

Wii health precautions

I don't know if you've seen any of the reports for the dangers of using a Wii. Since people are flailing those controllers around like berserkers, there have been black eyes, broken bones, damaged windows, etc. We're pretty careful to remember to use the strap for the protection of ourselves and those around us. Well, this weekend, a friend came over to check out our new game system and while we were playing baseball, we discovered another danger of the Wii. Margaret was sitting down watching us play. I was pitching and our friend was at bat. (I'm deliberately keeping the description neutral, as it would be easy to guess who it was if I even gave a clue as to the gender of said friend.) Anyway, our friend was standing in front of Margaret, back towards her. When the ball was pitched and our friend swung the controller, a loud fart escaped right in Margaret's face. I fell over laughing and couldn't pitch anymore, and Margaret was left wondering whether it was better to be hit in the face with a Wii controller or a cloud of noxious gas. There's one more thing that Nintendo needs to add to their list of warnings.

Liberal graffiti

This was painted on the sidewalk near our house. Don't you just love graffiti that has a message... at least not the "this is Crips territory so beware" message that is so garish. Plus it's a message that works for all the readers of this blog... well, except for our friend Pam, who is in Belgium... not as many Indians have been there. They're not that into chocolate, I guess.

Speaking of Indian land, that reminds me of the time I was working on the dam breaching hearings that were investigating whether or not to breach the lower four Snake River dams. Growing up in the 70's and 80's, I never felt the direct effects of blatant racism, but wooo-eee, I certainly felt it at those hearings! I remember being confronted by one old lady questioning the tribes' postion and when I brought up the fact that the entire region was once 100% Indian land, she indignantly shouted, "Don't you DARE say that!" I still don't know if she was mad because she thought it wasn't true or that she still felt residual guilt for stealing the land fair and square. I guess turnabout is fair play, since now the tribes are stealing people's money at casinos... and their stealing it fair and square! What a country!

Depositions

Yesterday Margaret and I had to give our depositions for our injuries sustained after our car accident. It was totally traumatic leading up to the actual date, as this is something we've been burdened with for the past 2-1/2 years. It was good to finally get all the observations, details, etc. down. What was unnerving, though, was when the defense attorney asked me if I kept a journal and I hesitated before I said no. He pressed me on it, noting the hesitation and I fessed up to keeping this blog, but that it didn't really have my feelings, etc. Despite that, he still asked for the address of this site! Yikes! I gave a furtive glance to my attorney, hoping that she would jump up dramatically and shout out, "Objection!" But alas, no... I had to give out this address. I feel so violated!

Street crime

Yesterday as I was headed home from work, I stepped outside to find a crowd gathered around someone lying on the ground. A coworker and I went over to gawk investigate and discovered an unconscious drunk guy (who I'll refer to for the rest of the post as "the vic" so it will sound like I'm on CSI:Portland) lying in a growing pool of blood! Someone had already called 911, and so we waited for the paramedics to arrive. While we were waiting, we got some details, like that the vic had approached some teenagers, that for one reason or another punched the guy in the face and ran off (he probably asked them where the nearest Abercrombie & Fitch store was and they were insulted, because only posers shop there anymore!). The vic's drinking partner was there trying to shake him awake. We had to keep reminding him that the vic shouldn't be moved as he might have a neck injury. When the vic finally came to and started to pick himself up, the other guy tried to grab a pouch of tobacco from the vic's hands. He, through a haze of alcohol and shock, was somehow able to manage "That's MINE" as he snatched it back. To which the drinking buddy said, "No, it's OURS." Good thing they have their priorities! The paramedics got him into the ambulance and I got my blog entry, so everything turned out okay.

Plus, in the grand scheme of things, it was way less traumatic than the guy dying of a heart attack at my gym one time... right on the racquetball court! And our gym has racquetball courts where the rear wall is one giant piece of glass, so EVERYONE coming into the gym got to gawk. It was just below autoerotic asphyxiation and that way that Elvis died in embarrassing ways to go.

When I die, I think a way befitting my station and worthiness would be like the prophet Elijah, who was drawn into heaven on a golden pillar of light without that whole messy "dying" part. Only since I'm WAY more humble than Elijah, God'd probably send down a PLATINUM pillar of light... and Zeus would send down Pegasus for me to ride up... and Odin would send the Valkyries to sprinkle tiny diamonds over my head... and Enya would be there singing in the background... or something like that.

I just got my life back!

Phew! After the past few weeks of, I'm more burnt out than Michael Jackson's therapist! Now I can finally catch up on all the things I haven't had time for... like playing with my new Wii more, actually having a decent night's rest, or going to McDonald's for a shamrock shake while they're still in the stores. Ah, bliss.

Hey! I could get used to this...

I could get used to this guest blogger thing. Of course I'd have to screen potential entries to ensure they meet my high and discriminating writing standards--I'm talking Pulitzer-calibre stuff--you know, like you're used to getting from me. We'll see how this all pans out.

Well, it's now been a week since I was running around like a whirling dervish... well, maybe not a WHIRLING dervish, but definitely a casually moseying dervish. I'm still recovering from the ordeal event, and here I am getting ready for another weekend out of town at another 50th anniversary event. I'm going to be so sick and tired of the whole topic that I probably won't be ready to deal with it again until the 75th anniversary.

At least my birthday present from Margaret has been a help in destressing. I love my new Wii. As you probably gathered from Margaret's guest post, we've been having lots of fun performing surgeries. My brother and sister were here when we first rented that game and we all took turns performing routine operations like stitching up cuts, cutting out tumors, etc. As the game progressed, however, the surgeries got more and more complicated. At one point we had to conduct a mitral valve replacement surgery! I guess when you've gone through the entire game, you're more qualified than most Indian Health Service doctors. (And at $50 for the game, it's much cheaper than med school!) Anyway, the games are fun, and I'm making a concerted effort to not hit Margaret in the face with my controller. (Although if I DO accidentally give her a black eye while trying to imitate a windmill, I'll be sure and take a picture and post it here.)

Guest appearance

Yoohoo. Internets. It's Margaret here.

I have very sad news for you today. Due to a championship bowling tournament, road rally race, bomb detonation and impending heart valve replacement, Jeremy is unavailable to write in his blog today. Yes. It is true. The Wii has arrived at our house and life is just not the same.

So far, our favorite games have been:

Wii Sports which includes bowling, baseball, boxing and tennis. These games get pretty active. Jeremy only narrowly avoided punching me in the face while we played baseball the first time.


And Trauma Center Second Opinion where Jeremy is preparing for a major career change. Now, if you need a multiple tumor extraction, you know who to call.