Oh, goodie. The writer's strike is KILLING me!

If you didn't think the tv writers' strike was going to affect you, think again. Now, instead of being presented with hilarious, well-written, inane shows, we'll be assaulted with just plain inane shows. Like most Americans, I like my brain candy, but I prefer to rot my brain to shows that are at least intelligently written, ironic, self-referencing, and witty.

Now thanks to the writers' strike, the tv industry has chosen to respond with the only weapon in their arsenal--frickin' REALITY TV! Reality is what I'm trying to ESCAPE FROM when I want to be a couch potato. Plus, reading descriptions of the upcoming reality shows doesn't give me any reason for hope. Check out a couple of the new shows coming out in January:

Wanna Bet?, where celebrities bet on stunt-performing contestants.
I wonder if Pete Rose is going to be one of the bettors?

Farmer Wants a Wife, helps one farm boy find the city girl of his dreams.
Now if they had a rural Utah version of this show, called "Farmer Wants Another Wife" THAT might be interesting... especially if all the prospective wives were hot. A side benefit is that NONE of the contestants would have to get eliminated... he could marry them ALL!

Crowned: The Mother of all Pageants is a reality competition that features mother-daughter teams working together to win a beauty pageant.
So they're combining the ickiness of the whole Jon-Benet Ramsey thing with unrealistic body issues and premature sexualization. What a combo!

Pussycat Dolls 2: Girlicious
Did this REALLY need a sequel? And what's up with that ridiculous subtitle? Nothing says "I'm an intelligent, well-read, woman like the adjective "girlicious." Shudder.

Moment of Truth is a Columbian import (Columbia has TV?!?) that puts contestants to the test using a polygraph and 21 increasingly personal questions to judge whether they are telling the truth for a chance to win $500,000.
Now we'll finally find out who those criminal bastards are that are cutting off their mattress tags. And thanks to the current Administration, if they don't tell the truth, we can torture waterboard the information out of them.

Baby Borrowers asks five young couples--ages 16 to 19--to set up a home and begin fast-tracking on parenthood by becoming caring parents first to a baby, then a toddler, pre-teen, and grandparents--all over the course of one month.
And at the conclusion, after seeing what they have to look forward to, decide to just play video games for the rest of their lives and forego procreating.

and my personal favorite:
When Women Rule the World a reality show that reveals how women and men react in a world where women are in charge and men are subservient. The participants are brought to a remote location where the women have the opportunity to "rule" as they build a newly formed society-- one with no glass ceiling and no need to dress to impress.
Oh brother! This sounds like "Lord of the Flies" meets "Amazon Women Take Over the World." Plus, it wouldn't surprise me if this show was part of a Republican plan to implant in people's minds that the chaos that will surely happen... it IS a reality show after all... is just a taste of what the entire UNITED STATES would be like if Hilary were elected president.

And there you have it. Seven new reasons to renew your library card.