Remodeling

In case you didn't capture the extent of our remodel, here's a picture of our bedroom seen from the hallway. Hopefully by the time we get back the drywallers will have put in nice, smooth, new walls and haven't robbed us blind.

Craziness

Sorry about the distinct lack of posts lately. Not only are we preparing for a baby, but add to that rushing to tear out every wall in our upstairs, pull out all the carpeting, replace a toilet and vanity, and move everything downstairs so we can live in the living room for a few weeks. THEN, if that weren't enough, we had to prep for a week-long vacation to Mexico. I'm on the plane now, posting from my iPhone, but depending on the Internet situation where we're staying, the next post will be our vacation pictures.

Jumping on the bandwagon

Now that we're having a baby, it seems like all these celebrities are jumping on the breeder bandwagon, too. First there was Britney Spears' little sister, and now Matthew McConaughey. The news was in the paper this morning, along with this excerpt from his website where he made the announcement: "Wish us the best, keep us in your prayers, and God bless evolution."

I think I want the phrase "God bless evolution" on a bumper sticker!

Wonders of Costco

Oftentimes here in Portland, we're confronted with an decidedly anti-consumerism message. While in most part I agree, occasionally I stumble upon some crass waste of the earth's resources and think, "WOW! I begrudgingly admit that that [product x] is FRICKIN' AWESOME!" And I'm not talking about the Clapper, chia pets, or the Topsy Tail... I'm talking about the REALLY good stuff. We stumbled upon such a product at Costco this weekend--this awesome bed. The official Pirates of the Caribbean© pirate bed with integrated chest in the front for all your toys, tools, and other accouterment! Imagine the piracy that could be accomplished in that bed! (Well, okay, not THAT much piracy... it's only a single bed, after all.)

(Now keep your comments PG, folks!)

If you're interested, the bed even has a matching "Dead Man's Chest"... of DRAWERS! Will the wonders never cease? I looked, but they didn't have the official Pirates of the Caribbean© peg leg and home amputation kit. You have to order that direct from China.

Bus annoyance

This morning on the bus, I was sitting in the back (not because I had to, but because it decreases the likelihood of having to give up my seat to someone that I'd be constrained to do out of chivalry... does that make me unchivalrous or just pragmatic?) Anyway, the back row goes all the way across the back of the bus, since there isn't any need for an aisle. The setup was this:

x_X_x (With x's being people and dashes empty seats. The capital X is me, of course.)

Well, some guy was standing for a while, looking back, but not sitting down, despite the fact that there were two open seats. Finally, he got up his nerve and asked me to scoot over so he could sit down. I moved without thinking, then realized that he could have just as easily sit in one of the two empty seats and I wouldn't have had to move at all. Aggravation!

(Maybe this is confirmation of something I read at Costco last night. I was flipping through a book about astrology of the soul and I, of course, looked myself up. It said that in a past life I was a king or other person of great acclaim and that as a result, my ego has an entitlement encrustation on it. That explains SO much.

(Now I'm going to have to go to a psychic or aura reader or Scientologist to find out if MY entitlement encrustation is made up of diamonds and rubies, which I've suspected but would like confirmation.)

Danger Santa

I love living in the Hawthorne neighborhood! The random people, products, attitudes, and general atmosphere are totally unique in the city... and that's saying something, when we're talking about Portland, bastion of quirky liberalism. To emphasize this point, here's a photo I took of a knife shop near my house. I love Santa's mischievous look holding that knife. Like he's thinking, "Anyone who is on my naughty list is gonna get it!" Because nothing says the birth of Christ like a wrathful Santa full of vendetta-inspired blood lust. "Peace on earth... and mercy mild... God and sinners reconciled"

Christmas revels

You know how cool it is when you stumble upon something completely unexpected. Something that you didn't even know EXISTED? Something that's very existence makes the world a little sweeter? Well I stumbled upon such a thing this weekend. (And no, it wasn't the Book of Mormon, smart arse!) Portland's heavy rains and high winds conspired to force me to do some yard work, specifically cut off all the branches of our rose bush. The poor thing had blown over into our driveway and every time we couldn't pull all the way into the driveway, I was reminded that I needed to come out to take care of it. After I cut off the branches, I got our yard debris container, which felt really heavy for being supposedly empty. When I took the lid off, I found a bright red glass tommy gun-shaped bottle! No, I'm serious; the bottle was literally RED! I'd discovered remnants from some kicking Christmas party. (Because nothing says the birth of Christ like a bottle of devil water shaped like an automatic weapon... Silent night, Holy night, All is calm...) Evidently is was at one time filled with tequila, but instead of taking the cool bottle home and displaying it next to his Fabergé egg collection, some shite-faced drunk ABANDONED it in our green waste bin and now I have something to decorate the baby's room with! Or better yet, put a nipple on it for an ironic baby bottle we can use for feedings at the next NRA meeting, ward party, or hip-hop concert we go to! (After boiling it for a day or three, though. All our baby books say you can never be too safe.)

Crime doesn't pay... or DOES it?

Check out this picture of a seized mountain of money from a Mexican drug cartel. There's $205 MILLION dollars there! (And from the looks of it, a few pesos thrown in for when the dollar gets so devalued that $1=1 peso.) I guess with $205 million, you stop worrying about investing money in the stock market or at least in a bank. I mean do you know how many years' worth of Taco Bell and Diet Pepsi $205 million represents! That would last me clear till 2012!

And in the mean time, I would sleep on my pile of money every night... locked in a panic room... holding a knife.

Mission get-together

Over the Christmas holiday while we were in Utah, we had a Norwegian missionary get-together. It wasn't a full-blown reunion, as I can't stand those... you can't discriminate on who attends and you invariably get stuck talking to your most despised missionary companion. Or worse, the most BORING one. With these smaller-scale ones, we can pick and choose who we actually interact with. (And if you're a Norwegian returned missionary reading this but didn't get an invitation then 1) You live outside Utah and we assumed you couldn't be bothered with flying in for a couple-hour party, 2) Umm, my email wasn't working when I tried to invite you, or 3) You're not as cool as you thought. Oh, yeah, or 4) I completely messed up... but I'm not really big on personal responsibility, so that one is off the table.

Anyway, the party consisted of the regular format. We all gather for some Norwegian food (although most of it was from Ikea, so it was Swedish, but close enough), we all start talking about whatever, someone makes the suggestion that we should all stop going to church for a year and see how that works out for us, everyone looks around at each other not wanting to say that they wholeheartedly agree but dare not say so for fear of being thought a bad person, the resulting awkward tension is broken by a wisecrack, we have dessert, and then go home.

Gee, thinking back, that was just like the mission parties we had back in Norway. Well, minus one obvious part... we served real Norwegian food at those.

!