Fashion Police

I just saw that the Oregon corrections officers won the national Best Dressed Law Enforcement Competition. The competition judged their ceremonial honor guard uniform, battle dress, Class A uniform, summer uniform, K-9 uniform, and SWAT uniform. The article didn't say anything about the swimwear uniform, which consists of a Speedo with a police badge printed on the front, nor did they mention the eveningwear uniform which is a tuxedo with a Kevlar-reinforced cummerbund with a hidden holster. But I'm sure that was just an oversight.

Some of the quotes in the article were so funny they could have appeared on a Saturday Night Live skit. "A head-to-toe look--they've really pulled it off. Accessories make the man. It's what separates us from the beast." (I can't tell whether they were talking about their inmates or those Kentucky correction officer slobs.) "And they really know how to accessorize, down to the keys." (Wha? They must have a locksmith on call to ensure that the keys to the new jail locks match their outfits. "Could I get this key in a oil-rubbed bronze? Brushed nickel doesn't go with my dress uniform.")

This quote was my favorite: ""Look at the bling,' she said, pointing to their glittering silver accouterments. 'That bling adds a level of prestige and importance.'" Okay, that's the first time I've ever heard shiny badges and metallic epaulets refered to as "bling."

Actually, I'm pretty impressed by the work they put into winning. And I have to admit, that their uniforms are MUCH more authoritative and respectable than those crazy uniforms the Pope's Swiss Guard have to wear. Those were designed by Michaelangelo and haven't been updated since. They literally ARE so 15th century!

I'm a good one to talk, anyway. When I first started my current job, I wore a shirt and tie for 6 or 8 months. After which, I dropped the tie. Then after a year or two, I wore the occassional polo shirt. After a while, only on Fridays, I'd risk wearing jeans. Now, I've gotten to the point that I only wear jeans. At this rate, in a few years I'll be coming to work in my pajamas, which isn't a good thing, since I don't wear pajamas!