Street crime

Yesterday as I was headed home from work, I stepped outside to find a crowd gathered around someone lying on the ground. A coworker and I went over to gawk investigate and discovered an unconscious drunk guy (who I'll refer to for the rest of the post as "the vic" so it will sound like I'm on CSI:Portland) lying in a growing pool of blood! Someone had already called 911, and so we waited for the paramedics to arrive. While we were waiting, we got some details, like that the vic had approached some teenagers, that for one reason or another punched the guy in the face and ran off (he probably asked them where the nearest Abercrombie & Fitch store was and they were insulted, because only posers shop there anymore!). The vic's drinking partner was there trying to shake him awake. We had to keep reminding him that the vic shouldn't be moved as he might have a neck injury. When the vic finally came to and started to pick himself up, the other guy tried to grab a pouch of tobacco from the vic's hands. He, through a haze of alcohol and shock, was somehow able to manage "That's MINE" as he snatched it back. To which the drinking buddy said, "No, it's OURS." Good thing they have their priorities! The paramedics got him into the ambulance and I got my blog entry, so everything turned out okay.

Plus, in the grand scheme of things, it was way less traumatic than the guy dying of a heart attack at my gym one time... right on the racquetball court! And our gym has racquetball courts where the rear wall is one giant piece of glass, so EVERYONE coming into the gym got to gawk. It was just below autoerotic asphyxiation and that way that Elvis died in embarrassing ways to go.

When I die, I think a way befitting my station and worthiness would be like the prophet Elijah, who was drawn into heaven on a golden pillar of light without that whole messy "dying" part. Only since I'm WAY more humble than Elijah, God'd probably send down a PLATINUM pillar of light... and Zeus would send down Pegasus for me to ride up... and Odin would send the Valkyries to sprinkle tiny diamonds over my head... and Enya would be there singing in the background... or something like that.