Thursday, November 17, 2005

I had to stay home this morning to meet the plumber (you know there is a problem when the water dispenser in the fridge just drips the water out). Since he wouldn't be here until after 10, I wasn't in a hurry to get down to the bagel shop. I finally got down there at about 9:30 and HOLY SMOKES! That place looked like a day care center! Usually I go down from 7 to 8 in the morning, so it's just a few people, and even when it gets busy, it's just people stopping by on their way to work. I had no idea that Noah's Bagels had this alternate personality. Every table was occupied and I couldn't even get to the back of the dining area because there were three strollers just parked in the walkway. It was so strange to see a place that I thought I knew so well be so different just two hours later than I usually see it.

Speaking of which, that reminds me of the Hot Pots, south of Provo, Utah. The Hot Pots are a series of hot springs that are notorious for non-BYU activities. (As opposed to regular BYU activities, which includes class prayer, caffeine-free Diet Coke, dressing like a J. Crew model, and going to devotionals.) A group of us would go down quite often to escape the stringent contraints of Happy Valley and just soak ourselves out of the conformity boxes that a week in Provo crammed us into. The hike up to the Hot Pots was about a two-mile hike, and in the winter was quite dangerous--the steam in the air would freeze the path to an icy slipperiness that, on the wrong stretch, could send you right into the creek. Only hardcore hikers, rebelllious BYU students, or teens that really wanted to get high or drunk would brave the trail from late fall to early spring--which was the only times I had ever visited the place. (Note to family members and Mormon friends who are extremely active and judgmental who happen to be reading this--I didn't fit into any of those groups--I was just doing, uh, research for a geology paper I was writing on...dissolved minerals found in hot springs, yeah--and it was taking me several years to get all my data.) Well, one year, just when school had started, we decided to go up to the springs for a start-of-the-year soak. Provo hadn't gotten to us yet, but it was a preemptive strike. The path was pleasant and safe, and since the days were still a decent length, there was enough light to see the trail without a flashlight. When we finally rounded the bend to get to the Hot Pots, however, we were confronted by a horrifying sight--a Mormon youth conference! At least that's what it seemed like. They were probably ALL BYU students. They all had swimsuits on, there was no visible lawbreaking going on, the faint, yet distinct aroma of burning...herbs wasn't in the air, and to top it off, some of them were singing CHURCH HYMNS!!! What had they done to the place? I halfway expected someone to get up an bear his testimony! I wonder if that's what it's like when your neighborhood gets gentrified out from under you. Anyway, since we'd hiked all that ways, there was no way we were turning back just because the spot had been BYU-ified. We picked a pool that already had several girls in it and got in. Soon, two guys that fit the hardcore user group (see description above) stripped naked right next to the pool and hopped in. The girls that were already in the pool were MORTIFIED and jumped up, carefully averting their eyes, and dashed to another pool. What was perfect was one of the guys who got in yelled to them, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a penis before?" (Which, if she were a good BYU student, she certainly HADN'T!) I'm sure that made the girls' embarrassment complete, confirmed to them the evils of the place, and guaranteed they would have to have a heart-wrenching confession to their bishop on Sunday where they questioned their virtue for having that image seared into their brains. Fortunately, the next time we went was a little later in the year and the place was back to its former seedy glory and all was right with the world.

1 comment:

Brent K said...

I had no idea Utah County had an alternative side. I guess the new Bikini Cuts they are opening will do well after all.