Superman Returns

Tonight we're off to see the new Superman movie. After reading the newspaper review this morning, I was a little worried. Fortunately, though, my brother, who is a Superman connoisseur, said he went in with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. Now I'm conflicted as to which way my expectations should be bending.

Speaking of expectations, when I was growing up, I had enormous pressure to get good grades. When our annual standardized testing came around, I remember my mom making us giant breakfasts to make sure we were ready for the determination of our future earning potential. Fortunately I was a shameless brown-noser teacher's pet, so getting the grades didn't pose that big of an obstacle. When I got the top grade in something, I just assumed it was confirmation that I was better than my classmates, which I'm sure made me REALLY popular with most of them. Well, anyway, before computers were very widespread, report cards were always a special form on heavy paper that the teacher filled in by hand. When I got to seventh grade, however, the school started giving out computer-generated report cards. One time, I thought I'd play a trick on my parents by creating an exact replica of the computer report card, only giving myself C's and D's. I remember being totally nervous bringing that home, knowing the fury it would unleash in my mom. Whoo-ee, I had no idea! When I handed it to her, she looked at it for a second, thinking that she didn't understand the format or something--because how could her baby get grades like THAT! Then, as comprehension set in, her eyes turned red, the earth beneath her began to shake, and a rip in the space/time continuum opened up behind her. In a booming voice that shook the house, she asked me how I could have let this happen and what did I do wrong and what I had been doing at school and I was going to be cut off from tv to study all evening every night. I cruelly let her rant for a bit until I gave her the real report card. Despite that, it still took her a few minutes to calm down after getting so worked up. She was pretty mad, even though later we all got a laugh out of it. Man, I was so glad that I didn't actually get those grades, because if I had, I'd have never seen the Simpsons and I probably would have been forced to develop a strong study ethic that would have driven me to getting a Ph.D. by now. Whew! Dodged THAT bullet!