Oy! What a WEEK!

Well, the event went off without a hitch... Well, I take that back--we did have someone trying to sell illegal Indian artifacts, which is a pretty severe federal offense--but other than THAT, it went off without a hitch. Oh, yeah, also except the TORRENTIAL RAINS that caused the Vietnam veteran presenters to have flashbacks of Southeast Asia during the monsoons. But other than THAT, it went off without a hitch. Afterward I was looking forward to a couple of days relaxation, or at least mind-numbing paperwork. Well, that wasn't in the cards. Here's a breakdown of the post-event week:

Monday: Take down, transport, and lay out seven SATURATED tepees. If they hadn't weighed 600 lbs. we would have tried wringing them out! I have no idea how the old time Indians moved those things! (I'm guessing they had the sense to only move camp after good weather--those crafty devils!)

Tuesday: Go to Seattle for a salmon-related event up there. (At least that was in the evening--I did get to squeeze in a trip to Ikea AND Red Robin! Yay! Unfortunately, I got a call from work that I was needed the next day to go to Astoria, Oregon to give a presentation first thing Thursday morning! So much for some R&R!

Wednesday: Since I was taking the train back from Seattle, I just got off in Longview, Washington, where the other presenters were driving through en route to Astoria and they picked me up and we all went out together. The train ride was pretty enjoyable, as I was assigned a seat next to a woman born in the same year as my grandfather. And she was more liberal than I AM! (And that's saying something!) The whole trip, she'd comment on people's houses we'd see from the train window, conservation, the war in Iraq, etc. It was great.

Thursday: Gave my salmon culture presentation to a group affiliated with the Smithsonian Insitute. Following my presentation, the City of Astoria presentation included a chef, who showed the group how to prepare pesto-encrusted salmon baked in brie, dungenes crab cakes, and pan-fried oysters, after which, we all got to eat our fill! I didn't need to eat anything else the rest of the day!

Friday: Finally got back to work and a woman who breeds Pomeranian dogs brought in her two new puppies. Now I don't mind pets IN THEORY, I can't stand strange animals. Well, the lady brought them into my office to show them to me. She set them on the ground, where one instantly proceeded to PEE on my carpet!!! She half-heartedly cussed out the dog, picking it up and handing it to me to hold while she cleaned up the mess. Ugg! Anyway, while she was cleaning up the pee, the other dog POOPED on the carpet! I had to leave my office, not being able to even BE in there while she cleaned it up. Of all the offices that that would happen in, it just HAD to be in the germaphobe's office!!! I went to the operations manager, who gave me the good news that coincidentally the office carpets are being shampooed next week. Phew! (Although I got a multi-pack of plug-in air fresheners at Costco for my office.) I just shuddered thinking back on the incident as I typed it! Later, telling the story to our friends who had a baby a few months ago, I got absolutely NO sympathy! Evidently having to clean up a baby that has filled the legs of his pajamas with diarrhea trumps dog poop in your office.

Saturday: First, the gang convened to visit the Velveteria--a back velvet painting museum here in town. I KNOW! Who would have thought that Portland would finally join the cultural ranks of such citites as Paris, Rome, London, or New York! This month's feature exhibit was "The Evolution of Michael Jackson: From Detox to Botox." They went from his Jackson 5 days all the way to the present, where he's a white woman. Some of the paintings were so random, including the Pink Panther sitting on a toilet, Dr. Kevorkian, the Heaven's Gate cult leader, and lots and lots of naked ladies! We enjoyed the museum so much, we're thinking of commissioning a velvet painting of our wedding picture in front of the Salt Lake temple. Nothing says "this is going to last forever" like classy, classy black velvet. Later, the gang reconvened for a late dinner, followed by going to a club. I used the Red Bull trick again and was still going strong at 1:30 when we left. (The others hadn't followed my lead, evidently, or we would have been there till closing with all the caffeine coursing through my veins.) Walking back to the car, we passed Voodoo doughnuts, which is a famous late-night doughnut shop here in Portland that caters to the hipster and alternative crowd and something completely off-the-wall is always happened there. Well, it didn't disappoint! When we looked in the shop, one of the guys standing in line was only wearing tennis shoes and a strategically placed coconut shell! (And with a slight adjustment, he'd be able to carry THREE doughnuts! COMMENT REDACTED AS THIS IS A FAMILY BLOG!) None of the other patrons seemed to even notice the guy (Although I wasn't interested in buying a doughnut after that.) Ahh, Portland!

Tomorrow I start jury duty, so at this rate, I'm tentatively penciling in June 15, 2008 as when my life is scheduled to return to normal. (That's assuming the Greenland icecap hasn't melted, in which case, I'll have to move the date to February 3, 2022.