Friday, December 01, 2006

Educational subconsciousness

Each night when I go to bed, and just as the codeine, Nyquil, or whatever downer du jour I'm taking is kicking in, I tell my brain, "I fed you with plenty of tv during the day, so you'd better entertain me while I'm sleeping." Normally this isn't a problem; in fact you should hear some of the adventures I've had in my dreams. The latest involves a kryptonite knife-wielding lunatic that was trying to stab me because I was Superman... but I'll recount that story later. Well, every once in a while, my brain will trick me me into LEARNING something. The things I've been taught are pretty hit or miss, though. Every useful bit of learning, like that showing up to work naked isn't as embarrassing as it would seem and is actually quite liberating, is counterbalanced with something not as useful, like if you hold onto the magic lightbulb REALLY tighly, you can FLY! Well, last night was a first in that my subconscious reminded me of an accident I was involved with that I had evidently repressed. For the past few days, my foot has been hurting off and on. Initially, I was worried that it might be cancer or, worse BUNIONS (actually I don't know what a bunion is, but the horror of that word sounds worse than cancer!). Mind you it hasn't been bad enough to see a doctor, or buy that Freedom-rider 6000 electric wheelchair I've been eyeing, but still. Anyway, last night I dreamt that I was on the bus and Arnold Schwarzenegger got on. Everything was going smoothly until the bus driver had to slam on the brakes because a giant Amazon woman was making grilled cheese sandwiches in the middle of the road. The resulting lurch propelled the Governator to lose his balance and stomp on my foot as he caught himself. When I woke up, I realized that that was why my foot had been hurting! Not because Ahh-nold had done it, but another passenger had; and we lurched because of a car cutting us off, not because of a warrior maiden making lunch, but you get the connection. Needless to say, when I remembered the incident, I was greatly relieved. Now I know that my injury is just a broken bone and not the debilitating and embarrassing curse of bunions. (Although I won't cancel my order for the Freedom-rider 6000... you never know when one of those will come in handy.)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

J - I am beginning to understand the negative effects of imbibing all of that diet pepsi... your dreams are truly out of this world! haha.

Anonymous said...

Your dreams are pretty crazy. My favorite is when you wake up laughing. How many people do that?