I'm running out of hair to pull out!

You know that event I'm responsible for in the fall that I kept complaining about? The one where I try to organize an entire tepee village and a dozen concurrent presentations in all of them? And all the logisitics involved in running the village? And usually only three or four months to plan for and prepare? Well, I just found out yesterday that I'm supposed to plan and put on another one... on MARCH 10TH!!!!!!! So if you notice more sporadic entries to this blog, you'll know why. It's because I'm at the doctor's getting more ulcer medication.

We Wang Chunged!

Aiieeee! I've become my parents! They think that music from their era (like Elvis, Sandra Dee, and Beethoven) is the be-all-end-all of music genres. Because it was the music of their youth, I guess it reminds them of going to all those sock-hops and malt shoppes when they were teeny boppers and greasers. Well over the weekend we went to an 80's dance and I realized as we were dancing to all the songs of my church youth dance days that I'd fallen into the same nostalgia trap. Not that that is a bad thing, mind you.

When a friend told us about it, we saw it as... what else... an excuse to dress up! Margaret got together her best mall crawler outfit on, complete with mini skirt and leggings and THREE Swatches! (Actually, I'm embarrassed to say that all three of the Swatches she was wearing, along with the one I was wearing were MINE from the 80's!) I had on my best Andrew McCarthy from Pretty in Pink outfit o--complete with three layers of pastel shirts under a sports jacket and acid wash jeans. The only difference between then and now was that I had about 50% less hair than the last time I'd worn anything like that. The dance itself was a lot of fun, too. They showed the lame 80's artsy videos along with all the music and we were transported back in time to a simpler age when I was just worried about acne, how to come up with some money to buy the new Duran Duran cassette, and contemplating the long-term effets of Reagan's trickle down economics policies on future national solvency. Of course the first time we'd danced to those songs, we didn't have to hobble home and take a handful of Advil for aching knees and ankles... uh, not that that happened this time, too... I was just imagining that SOME of the people did that... not us... no siree... we're not getting older.... not at all.

Axis of Evil

I had a run-in with the Axis of Evil yesterday that still has me aggravated. No, I'm not talking about North Korea, etc. I'm talking about ATM fees, the DMV, and the Department of Homeland Security. Three things that strike fear and terror in more American's lives than some totalitarian government on the other side of the planet ever did. Here's what happened:

My driver's license will expire on my birthday, which is coming up (it's February 10, in case anyone want to get me something). There's a DMV office in the mall near my work, so I went over there on my lunch break. When I got there, there were signs everywhere saying that they only accept cash and checks! Hello! This is the twenty-first frickin' CENTURY, folks. They had an ATM machine right in their lobby to get cash, but since I wasn't about to pay $4 for a withdrawal, I walked to a nearby bank that doesn't charge fees. I finally make it back to the DMV and wait and wait and WAIT! Finally, after more than 20 minutes, I got to see a clerk, who took all my information and then, after she was done... THEN she told me that the computer connection to Homeland Security was down and that I wouldn't be able to actually GET my license right then. I could wait, but there was no guarantee it would be back up at all that day. It's a good thing they tell you stuff like that AFTER you've traipsed around the area, stood in line with the unwashed masses, enduring all their questions, and STILL don't get what you came for! That's probably how heaven is going to be! Here I am, doing everything almost everything pretty much everything some of the stuff I'm supposed to be doing, and when I get to the pearly gates, the attendant will say, "Well, that was all well and good, but unless you were a snake handler, you can't come in." Noooooooooo.

Speaking of religion, while I was typing this, I got a call on my cell from AN ANGEL! I answered and a woman asked me how my day was going and then proceeded to tell me that it was a beautiful day shining with the light of Christ... and then wished me a good day. Didn't that angel know she was calling my CELL PHONE! I had to pay a minute of airtime for that message... and she didn't even tell me anything I NEEDED to know--like next week's lottery numbers or at the least tell me how Kitty is doing (I'm figuring she's getting in trouble clawing all the white funiture up there). Anyway, I'll show that angel; I'm going to deduct that phone charge from this month's tithing.

Awwwwwww!

Well, despite my gut feeling that we were going to win the lottery last night, it didn't pan out. It must have been the chili I had for dinner. Man, I don't know what I'm going to do. Now I'm going to have to try and cancel my order for that personalized Boeing 747 I ordered off their website. They're NOT going to be happy... especially since I upgraded to the 70's Psychodelic package and if they've already applied the tie-dye paint I'm committed to purchase. If so, can I borrow a couple ten million for anyone out there?

Germaphobia

This picture is being posted in public bathrooms around Canada. Hopefully it will encourage more people to wash their hands after going to the bathroom because nothing creeps me out as much as people not washing their hands. You can learn more about the organization's website washyourhands.tv. I'm so OCD about it that even if I step foot in a bathroom to just look in the mirror or something, I have to wash my hands. One time at work, I someone in one of the stalls reading some paperwork that they had LAID OUT TO READ ON THE STALL FLOOR!!! Now I always ask for people to just send my materials electronically. Pretty soon I'll have that bubble with an airlock installed in my office and I can work safe. Now be sure and always wash your hands and carry around your Purell EVERYWHERE!

Sleeplessness

Ever since I heard gales of laughter and excitement pouring through the telephone line from my brother telling me how cool Nintendo's new Wii was, I've wanted to get one for our house. Well, being that it's impossible to find has made it that much more of a challenge to get it before our birthdays in February. I thought my fruitless search was nearing a conclusion when my brother called and told me that they were available at Costco! Score! And for cheaper than anyone else! Double score! Of course I hadnt factored in the fact that they were readily available at their more rural Costco. When I called all the Portland ones, they said that they sold out of them the morning they arrived. When one of the stores noted that another shipment was en route and should be on the shelves on Tuesday, my hopes were renewed. All last night, I kept having dreams of being at Costco right as they opened and then fighting with other customers to get one, getting there only as the last one was being put into a cart by and old lady, or (the worst of the three) getting a brown paper bag with a Wii supposedly in it along with some gift items, only to search through it and, after rummaging through the coloring books, crayons, and colored pencils that were also in the bag, to find the heavy item at the bottom of the bag wasn't a Wii but a DAFFY LUCK LAZER TAG GAME! Oh the humanity. Of course first thing this morning I called to confirm the shipment and was told that it was delayed and to call back tomorrow! Ugg, looks like another night of crazy, disappointing dreams for me!

Another missed snow day!

Awww. Yesterday morning, just when I thought I could roll over in my nice electrically warmed bed for another hour or so, I found out that despite our office being closed, our group travelling to central Oregon was still leaving, so for the second time in two days, I had to drag myself literally through the snow to get to work. At least my office has a policy that in situations like this, if you do come to work on a snow day, you can take those hours at a later date. Which turns out a bit better, since I'll get to choose when I can flake off work.

Speaking of flaking off work, Portland schools have a national reputation of short school years and cut funding. Well, I read in the paper this morning that due to the winter break, MLK holiday, and now these past two snow days, Portland students have attended school 8 of the past 31 days! Now THAT'S what I call a schedule! (It kinda reminds me of my final semester at BYU, where I stacked all my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, giving myself four day weekends the entire semester. Ahh, those were the days... and Margaret hated it, because I was always pressuring her to go on road trips or whatever, but since she was swamped with classes [she was on the 3 year graduation path, whereas I was on the 6 year]. Oh well, it all worked out and we still ended up getting married, despite her seeing me in that semester of slackerhood.)

SNOW DAY!!

I woke up this morning to the start of a snowstorm, only to get worse and worse. When I called in to work, there was an annoucement that there would be a noon opening. Elation soon turned to aggravation when I found out that the group planning on going to do a presentation in central Oregon was still going! I was even more aggravated when I found out, while waiting for the bus nonetheless, that the storm had gotten so bad that the office wouldn't even be opening at all today! My bus ride is normally 20 minutes, but it took me two hours to get to the office. My aggravation reached Zeus-like proportions when I found out a couple of minutes after I got to the office that our trip had been cancelled! And now it's rescheduled for tomorrow, so I'll be in a holding pattern until then.

I'm hoping for a major ice storm. I really don't feel like going anywhere in this weather. Oh, well. At least I'll be able to enjoy the rest of the day warm and cozy at home (that is unless the buses get stuck and I end up walking trudging home, at which point, words would not be able to express my level of aggravation. Did you notice how many times I used the word "aggravation" in this post? Yes, you got me... I'm aggravated!

Dying for a Nintendo Wii

Ever since I saw demos of Nintendo's new Wii, I've totally coveted them. I've been on the lookout for one at local stores as well as online... you know, for a joint birthday present for Margaret and myself (since we're both Aquarians). I'd be willing to buy it, but if I could win it, it would be even better, however there ARE limits. Check out this article from the internets:

Woman Dies After Water Drinking Contest
SACRAMENTO A 28-year-old woman died of water intoxication after taking part in a radio station's water drinking contest to win a Nintendo Wii video game system, the coroner's office said.

Jennifer Strange's mother found her daughter's body at her home Friday in the Sacramento suburb of Rancho Cordova, California, after Strange called her supervisor at her job to say she was heading home in terrible pain.

"She said to one of our supervisors that she was on her way home and her head was hurting her real bad," said Laura Rios, one of Strange's coworkers at Radiological Associates of Sacramento. "She was crying and that was the last that anyone had heard from her."

Earlier Friday, Strange took part in a contest at radio station KDND 107.9 in which participants competed to see how much water they could drink without going to the bathroom.

Lightweight! Try drinking 96 oz. of Diet Pepsi in one sitting. She must not have trained properly!

Initially, contestants were handed eight-ounce bottles of water to drink every 15 minutes.

"They were small little half-pint bottles, so we thought it was going to be easy," said fellow contestant James Year of Woodland, California. "They told us if you don't feel like you can do this, don't put your health at risk."

Ybarra said he quit after drinking five bottles. "My bladder couldn't handle it anymore," he added.

Geesh! That's just over a 32 oz. pop! The size of a McDonald's MEDIUM drink. Oh the shame and humiliation of a thimble-sized bladder.

After he quit, he said, the remaining contestants, including Strange, were given even bigger bottles to drink.

"I was talking to her and she was a nice lady," Ybarra said. "She was telling me about her family and her three kids and how she was doing it for kids."

Talk about eternal guilt for those children. "My mom DIED trying to get us a Wii!"

The winner of the "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" contest was promised a Nintendo Wii video game system.

What a perfect name for the contest... although it conjures up different images... plus I'm sure that the length of time that some guys could hold on to their wee would exceed the attention span of the audience... and couldn't be televised.

John Geary, vice president and marketing manager for Entercom Sacramento, the station's owner, said station personnel were stunned when they heard of Strange's death.

"We are awaiting information that will help explain how this tragic event occurred," he said.

Which is station owner-speak for "That's what we say when we're trying to cover our asses."

I think I'll just keep looking to find a Wii from a store.

High on the hog

You know that disgust you feel when you're going through a random pile of stuff and find an olf gift card that is probably expired and you just wasted a present from someone? Well, I had that feeling last weekend when we found an restaurant gift card that someone had given us back in 2004. It said that it was good for two years, but that only brought it to July 2006. I called them and they said that I could use it, but if I made reservations right then. Well, since the gift card was for $100, I thought Margaret and I were going to completely pig out. Little did we know that it was probably one of the most expensive restaurants in town. We took one look at the menu and realized that the $100 wasn't going to go very far. A 24 oz. New York steak cost $85--and that didn't include a salad or anything on the side... just the meat! A baked potato cost $8, as did a house salad. We were looking at the wine menu and some of the bottles were $800 each! They did try to class it up to make you feel like you were getting your money's worth by preparing stuff at the table for you. I couldn't believe the swarm of FIVE servers preparing the potatoes of the people sitting next to us. They carefully sliced open the potato, got the butter and cream layered just so, and topped it off with a sprinkling of pepper. Oh! THAT'S why they charge $8 for it... it's all in the labor.

Margaret ordered a baseball cut steak and lobster medallions, having no idea what a baseball cut steak was. I ordered a flaming lamb sword. When our dinners came, we instantly realized why they call it a baseball cut--the steak was as thick as it was round. I don't think she was even able to eat a third of it. My flaming lamb sword was just that--they brought out a skewer with the lamb on it and poured some inflammable liquid over it to make it burn bright blue... INCHES from my face. It WAS impressive. Both of us were so full after eating less than half of all that meat that we ended up getting doggie bags. After cleaning our plates and giving us our dessert menus, they set out some fruit, nuts, a nutcracker, a big slice of roquefort cheese, crackers, and dates... you know, just to tide us over until we got our dessert. Man! How much food do the rich need to eat?!? Evidently more than we do.

All in all it was an interesting, decadent experience. Made doubly surreal by the fact that I had a $1.58 lunch at Taco Bell earlier in the day.

The experience reminded me of a story my aunt told me about talking with someone in her ward whose daughter was serving a mission in Los Angeles. She was serving in the Beverly Hills area and there, instead of inviting the missionaries over to dinner, they would just get taken out to eat by the members. Being that it was Beverly Hills, the daughter got taken to quite fancy restaurants, where she would regularly have meals costing upwards of $100. My cousin, listening in on the conversation, remarked, "$100! She must be a real PIG!" In Idaho, the only way to have a $100 meal is to offer to pay for your whole extended family and all your neighbors when you go down to the annual VFW pancake feed.