Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Is she a he?

This weekend, Margaret and I went to a drag queen pageant here in Portland that pitted the reigning queens from Portland, Seattle, Honolulu, Denver, etc. for the coveted title of "La Femme Internationale." It was amazing--and some of the contestants were extremely convincing. It reminded me of someone from my hometown, whom my siblings and I always said looks like a drag queen. Well after seeing some of the contestants, that's an insult to drag queens--some of these contestants could have fooled an OB/GYN (as long as they didn't give them a pelvic--that'd probably ruin the illusion). Anyway, after the pageant, I compiled this handy list in case you ever find yourself at a pageant and don't know if the contestants are men or women:

Top 10 ways you know you're at a drag queen pageant instead of the Miss America Pageant
  1. The old drag queens wearing 6" spike heels navigate in them better than the young women
  2. Next to the ticket sales booth is a vendor selling falsies.
  3. Your emcee is a 70-year-old drag queen who forgets his wig during one of the numbers.
  4. One of the competions is the "Showgirl" competition
  5. The talent competion consists entirely of lip synching to women-empowerment rock
  6. Talents consist of tear-away outfit changes mid-performance culminating in a skimpy two-piece bathing suit.
  7. The interlude performances by other drag queens bring people to the stage to give them dollar bills
  8. Compared to some of the other audience members, a guy wearing jeans and a corset seems a little tame
  9. Before the crowning ceremony, the emcee calls his partner (of THIRTY-NINE YEARS!) to the stage, and gives a warbly rendition of The Rose
  10. There are as many men in the ladies room as women


All in all, it was a very enjoyable, very positive, and very Portland event. It actually made me pretty happy to be living right now, as opposed to a time when men doing this type of thing were beaten up or worse--like in the Reagan years. Here's to more barriers being broken and more Christian right-wing nut jobs intolerant jerks being up in arms!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Important things I learned in a room full of drag queens - for the best effect, wear sequens by the pound; don't be afraid to express yourself (preferably using a giant feather boa and stylish sashay); and spread the love! All around, an amazing group of people. Now if you want to see a freak show - watch a Victoria's Secret commercial!

Anonymous said...

LOL, you can learn a lot from a Drag Queen. I had to do drag once at Utah State - I went into work wearing a 50 lbs sequined light blue gown, long nails and a blond wig. No one noticed me. I had worked with the same people for two years and they had no idea who I was until I spoke.

I guess that means Osama is hiding out in drag and not speaking... :) Oh that and ever try to get laid while dressed up as the opposite gender? Its not easy, especially when you have to take your female friend into the bathroom to hold your dress up so you do not pee on it or break off your fake nails...