Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The lost art of saying no

I wonder if saying no is an art lost to the annals of history along with well-written tv shows or easy air travel. Yesterday on the train, a young homeless guy was trying to resell a pre-read newspaper. Could see him coming down the aisle and was glad that I had my panhandler repellent on--my iPod earphones. Unfortunately the guy next to me wasn't so lucky. He was standing up, holding on to his bike hanging on the rack. When the panhandler got to him, the guy just pretended he was asleep. Brother! How obvious is that? Riding a busy, noisy bus, holding your bike, and STANDING UP! and he expects someone to believe that he dozed off? I can see if it was a horse or a cow standing in a field sleeping... Anyway, I was surprised when the panhandler actually called the guy on it. Evidently perterbed by the notion that the "sleeping" man just couldn't say "not interested" and feigning sleep didn't sit too well with him.

Speaking of which, that reminds me of a terrible occurence at a church dance. Thinking back on it, I still get embarassed about it... and I wasn't even the perpetrator. My brother and a friend were sitting in the chairs lining the side of the church gym. They'd been holed up there like GI's stuck in a foxhole all night. Eventually, this one girl built up her courage and came over to ask one of them to dance, since it was obvious that they weren't about to extricate themselves from those chairs. As they saw her making their way over to them, they didn't react with a fight or flight response--instead they chose the classic "possom-maneuver." Yes, I'm sad to report that they PRETENDED THEY WERE ASLEEP! That poor girl tried to wake them up, but since the music was so loud, I guess they didn't hear her. She eventually gave up and sought greener pastures among the "bad boys" in the ward... you know, the ones who refused to wear ties to the dances. Because of that incident, she probably ended up getting involved in a militant group that hates men and seeks ways to make their lives miserable. In fact I think she opened up a Jo-Ann fabric franchise in our hometown. You don't get much more vengeful against men than THAT!

Not that I was always a little angel, despite my currently blindingly effulgent halo hovering over my head. Yes, there was a time when that halo would only be considered "radiant" rather than effulgent. Once such time was...of course... at a church dance. Ah, nothing like teen hormones and awkwardness to turn a wholesome activity into a social interaction more devastating than Lord of the Flies. Anyway, my little "that-wasn't-me-it-was-my-evil-twin-brother-Ruprect" moment was one time my best friend and I were chatting up these two girls we liked and while we were talking to them, saw a girl come back into the gym whom we'd given the unflattering name "Rumblebee" as she was a little on the larger size and was wearing a yellow and black horizontally striped dress. We told the girls what we'd dubbed her, you know, in that "I'm a cool teen in a position to judge anyone and everyone and by putting someone down, I'm really lifting myself up." Well, unfortunatley the ploy backfired--Rumblebee was the big sister of one of the girls! Of course being teenagers themselves, desperate for acceptance and boys liking them, they laughed along with us. I guess attention from boys trumps filial solidarity. Regardless, I was mortified. In fact a little bit of me died inside. Now after years of putting my foot in my mouth, I'm almost completely dead inside. I'm looking forward to when that process is complete, because then I can finally run for public office.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know for us always finding ways to ditch out on girls at these dances therefore hardly ever actually dancing, looking back they were actually fun and produces alot of memories...I remember one time that you moved up on my cool list was when I had spent an entire night avoiding "clump" and I let my guard down for a second and she was on me like a crazy hat on Marges head, when all of the sudden out of nowhere you came swooping in and made up a story that mom was waiting outside for us to take us home therefore letting her down easily.

Anonymous said...

You know even us chubby girls had to avoid boys at those dances.... I mean, I am sure there were chubby girls who had to avoid boys at church dances. Yeah, that's what I meant. Acutally I remember running away from an approaching dance partner. I feel bad for that as well.