[A] - AVAILABLE?Um, sorry. I have to wash my hair that night.
[B] - BIRTHDAY?
My favorite suit. I try to wear it as often as possible.
[C] - CRUSHING?
Only during the grape harvest when I'm working at a Tuscan vineyard. And my feet and legs are stained purple for several weeks. I hate staining my clothes, though. (See [B] above.)
[D] - DRINK YOU LAST HAD?
Diet Coke. (If it were anything else, anyone who knew me would know I didn't write this.)
[E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO?
Mergatroid. I can't see him, but I can hear his voice in my head. We can talk for hours and hours. My psychiatrist gave me some meds once, but that made Mergatroid go away, so I stoped taking them. Now he's back and crazier than ever. What a character!
[F] - FAVORITE COLOR?
Pantone 178: The color of fresh salmon just pulled from the cold, clear waters of an Idaho river. Or the color of a surgical sponge used to soak up debris from a botched colonoscopy. Take your pick.
[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS?
Gummy worms, of course. I don't believe in eating mammal-like candies.
[H] - HOMETOWN?
The Nez Perce Indian Reservation... yes, an INDIAN reservation. And I lived in a tepee for a few months one time. I totally represent, even though I decided to cut my braids after I started losing my hair because I didn't want that most pathetic of all the mullets: the skullet.
[I] - ILL?
Uh huh. Which is why I actually have time to write this. I'm sure it's nothing serious. (Coughing up blood isn't a bad sign, is it?)
[J] - JUGGLE?
Just when I jump up and down really fast... oh, that says JUGGLE. Um, nope.
[K] - KILLED SOMEONE?
I'm dead inside. Does that count?
[L] - LONGEST CAR RIDE?
Driving the Pan-American highway all the way from Tierra del Fuego, Chile to Barrow, Alaska with my friend Mergatroid. Man the adventures we had on that 6-month trip. It's weird, though, because when I ask people if they missed me while I was gone, they told me that I was in a psychiatric hospital and they visted me all the time. Whatever!
[M]-MILKSHAKE FLAVOR?
What's that flavor that brings all the boys to the yard? Probably something with bacon or liquid smoke flavor.
[N] - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS?
Two brothers, one sister, and Mergatroid, who's like a brother to me.
[O] - ONE WISH?
If I had a wish, then it would be... a happy, happy birthday to you from me!
[P] - PERSON WHO CALLED YOU LAST?
Some telecommunications company wanting me to switch long-distance carriers. We chatted for hours and hours... well, I chatted; she was silent the whole time and after a while, she kept making this annoying repetitive beeping sound, but I just talked though it.
[Q] - QUARTERS OR PENNIES
Whichever. Actually, I prefer nickels when filling a sock for mafia wack-jobs I contract for on the side.
[R] - REASON TO SMILE?
The opium-based cough syrup I 'accidentally' took four doses of. Mergatroid was REALLY chatty after I took that. He makes me smile.
[S] - SONG YOU LAST HEARD?
Margaret singing some Rick Astley song while floating on a purple cloud while petting a tiny giraffe. She sang it for me after I'd taken my cough medicine.
[T] - TIME YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?
8:00am, then took a nap and woke up again at 11:00am, then took another nap and woke up at 1:00pm. Hey, cut me some slack... I'm SICK! Don't you frickin' JUDGE me!
[U] - UMBRELLA COLOR?
Whatever they serve with the mai-tai's. I'm not choosy.
[V] - VEGETABLES?
Generally I'm in favor of euthanasia and doctor-assisted suicide. (I live in Oregon, HELLO!)
[W] - WORST HABIT?
I'd say my worst habit is caring too much.
[X] X-rays you've had?
Dental, elbow, lower back, and that pervy Superman, who one time... oh, nevermind.
[Y]- your number of friends on myspace
I lost track after 2. It's just been going CRAZY!
[Z] - ZODIAC SIGN?
Aquarius. Same as Margaret. It makes our household 112% kookier than the average American household.
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