Okay, first of all, I hope I'm not driving you away with my sycophantic praise of Ikea. If you've been to one before, though, you'll know it is completely justified. And if you haven't been yet, well, I don't know if we can still be friends anymore. I think Nostradamus himself fortold the auspiciousness of this month's conjunction of two pivotal galactic events: the Ikea opening in Portland and the iPhone release. (People thought he was prophesying about the discovery of North and South America, but he WASN'T... this is BIGGER!) I haven't been looking forward to something this much since the Council in Heaven© only this time they'll serve meatballs! Okay... take a deep breath... you can get through this... it's only a few more weeks... go to your happy place... the Halmstad bedroom set.... Ahhh! Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, today's Ikea-related item. Below are the lyrics to a Jonathan Coulton song called, no big surprise here, "Ikea:"
Long ago in days of yore
It all began with a god named Thor
There were Vikings and boats
And some plans for a furniture store
It’s not a bodega, it’s not a mall
And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine
As if there were apartments smaller than mine
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there
So rent a car or take the bus
Lay your cash down and put your trust
In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size
Billy the bookcase says hello
And so does a table whose name is Ingo
And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there
Ikea: plywood, brushed steel
Ikea: meatballs, tasty
Ikea: Allen wrenches
All of them for free
All of them for me
I’m sorry I said Ikea sucks
I just bought a table for 60 bucks
And a chair and a lamp
And a shelf and some candles for you
I was a doubter just like you
Till I saw the American dream come true
In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there
You can download the song (for free!) here.
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2 comments:
so...having been an office elder in france, and being over the apartments, i early on learned the blessed beauty that is ikea. may i just say it's a comfort to find there are others madly enraptured by this mecca of decorating delights. thank you! and thanks for the link to the song there...it rocks somethin' fierce.
Brussels, Belgium isn't much bigger than Portland and we have 3 (yes I said THREE) IKEA's here! Everyone loves IKEA. :-)
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