I'm sure most people have heard of the fabled payments that the government showers onto Indians. Well, yesterday, my aunt found a website that listed all the Bureau of Indian Affairs' "whereabouts unknown" individuals and my brother's and my name was on the list! It is a list of all the people that the BIA has Individual Indian Monies accounts for, but don't know where to send the money. I was kind of excited to call and give them my current information--thinking that the family's lost millions were somehow restored and sitting in the US Treasury, waiting to be dispersed. I called and patiently went through the automated phone tree and finally got to talk to a live person. After giving her enough information to prove that I am who I said I was, she got my new information. I then asked her if she could tell me how much was in my account. She looked and said that the check that they would be sending to close the account was... wait for this... TWENTY-NINE FRICKIN' CENTS!!! What a phenomenal waste of my time and government spending--they'll spend three times that processing and mailing the check. I think I'll just keep the check and when I meet someone who thinks that the government just gives money to the tribes, I'll pull it out and show him just how much we get. Either that or I can use it to buy a pound of onions--those are always useful.