Monday, January 30, 2006

This weekend we finally got to a lacrosse game and it turned out to be a lot of hyper-violent fun. I brought the camera, and I'm glad I did, because it makes it ever so much easier to tell you about our evening.

Portland was one of the expansion cities for the Indoor Lacrosse League. Our team is the Lumberjax--I know, stupid name, plus Portland doesn't even DO forestry products anymore, we cut down all our trees ages ago! The arena is a ice hockey arena with astroturf instead of ice and bare legs instead of protective leg coverings. That fact will be more significant when I get to the fighting picture.

Here's a completely unflattering picture of me (how in the world do you hold your head when you're also holding your arm out to take your own picture--it's impossible I tell you! Although at least I held my head a little lower than I usually do--with most of my self-portraits, doctors could diagnose any sinus problems I have since the picture looks right up my nose!) At least Margaret and Stacey look ok in the shot!

This is the mascot for the Lumberjax. His name is "Jax" and the program said his favorite tv show is "Lost," his favorite movie is "Napolean Dynomite," his favorite color is plaid, and his favorite dry cleaner to get out the stubborn stains in his face is Jeffe's Out-Damn-Spot Cleaners downtown. While he was in front of our section, we learned that he was a one-trick pony--every kid who came up to get their picture taken was treated with the same exact pose--a pistol finger aimed at the camera. Brother--I'd expect more chopping and killing spotted owls than POINTING from a self-respecting OREGON lumberjack!

The charm of this game--at least to my brother, would be that there are ABSOLUTELY NO RULES AGAINST VIOLENCE. Hitting with sticks, elbows, fists, or helmets is completely legal. A player that joins a fight in-progress gets in trouble, though, so if someone gets hyped up from a teammember who is in a fight, he'd be better served to just start a new fight. We didn't see any good fights at this game--a fact that was pointed out by someone we overheard talking to a friend on the phone while we were on the train home. Needless to say, he was VERY disappointed.

Here's a picture of Margaret at the half-time show of a local highschool girls lacrosse team. Margaret normally has a lot more color, but she went absolutely pale when she found out that a Diet Coke cost $4.75--yes FOUR DOLLARS AND SEVENTY-FIVE FRICKIN' CENTS! For that much, she would have bought a half case and smuggled it in under her Lady Lumberjack Oversize Tree-killin' cap©!

A couple of rows below us, I spotted this woman in the crowd and couldn't help but take a picture. I wonder if her husband asked her "Honey, wanna go to lacrosse? Ward's meetin' us there." And thought she heard "crossword" and thought her prayers at her husband finally taking an interest in more intellectual pursuits had finally been answered. Alas, she was stuck at some game trying to get a crossword done while her drunk husband was making a fool of himself. I'm sure she cried herself to sleep THAT night!

Here's a picture of someone getting a goal. Unfortunately Portland didn't win--Calgary beat us. Man, those Canadians! First they have universal health care, and now this? Well, at least we can own semi-automatic weapons and have health care providers that rake in MILLIONS--that TOTALLY makes up for it!

All in all, it was a fun evening. And it was much more enjoyable to watch lacrosse than basketball--I really don't like basketball, anyway, and that coupled with the fact that I'm watching guys who get paid millions of dollars to be so self-absorbed and spoiled makes me question our priorities. With the lacrosse players, they seemed a lot more down to earth--A LOT--one of them had "Frito Lays sales representative" listed as his day job! You don't get much more down to earth than selling Cheetos!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damn Canadian's, you should dedicate a whole blog to Cannuk bashing, you seemed to have a good start...

Dave D. said...

And you should be really upset now that they've gone conservative.