Well, once again the goddess Fortuna failed to bestow us with the winning lottery numbers--and the jackpot was up to $115 million! Last night, I told Margaret that if we won that, she'd just turn into a complete raunch and I'd turn into a complete bastard. She said "I'd never let you become a bastard, and if you did I'll beat you with a yardstick--a diamond-encrusted yardstick!" So as you can see, we had big plans for that money and now they're dashed.

Speaking of diamond encrusting, one year for Christmas, someone gave my brother and me a stud and rhinestone machine. We had so much fun with that--we put studs on every conceivable article of clothing (well, not EVERY conceivable--studded underwear would probably chafe). The coup de grâce, however, were the bathrobes that our aunt had made us--we put so many studs along the seams and pockets of them that they would hang open from the weight of all that metal. We thought we were so cool (it WAS the early 80's, and it surely WASN'T cool, but how were two boys from rural Idaho supposed to know that we should be wearing alligator-embroidered pastel polo shirts and not Hell's Angels-inspired bathwear?)