Thursday, January 19, 2006

Okay, you all remember the Indian money that I found out totalled a whopping TWENTY-NINE CENTS? Well, the plot thickens! I just got my packet of forms to complete so the Bureau of Indian Affairs can send me a check. This is wrong on so many levels, and I'll walk you through each and every one, since I know you all love to hear about government efficiency and bureaucratic heroism. First, the packet was so thick that it took extra postage--60 cents to be exact. Sixty cents is more than TWICE AS MUCH as the total amount of money they're looking to send me! When I opened it up, there was a letter from the Office of Trust Funds Management:

(I'll leave out the gratuitous niceties that the officer included and jump to the good stuff)

I have enclosed the necessary documents for your signature, highlighting them where your signature is necessary in yellow and where a witness' signature is necessary in pink.


Can you believe that? A stack of forms AND signed in front of witnesses!!! I can see it if it was for the fabled Nez Perce gold fortune, but a little more than a QUARTER?

Would you please enclose a copy of your photo identification, such as a driver's license and a copy of your social security card, if available? Also, if you have easy access to your birth certificate, a copy of it would also be appreciated.

Driver's license? Social Security card! A frickin' BIRTH CERTIFICATE! It's easier to get PLUTONIUM than my 29 cents! Do they even THINK about how ridiculous this is?

After reading the letter, I looked over the forms that they included. One of them is a W-9 (the IRS form so the BIA can report my 29 cents to the IRS to make sure that I include it as income on my taxes! Wouldn't want to screw the government out of its fair share!) The next form asks if I would like the 29 cents issued by check or direct deposit. Yes, taking the time to set up the transfer is TOTALLY worth it--in terms of personnel time, it only costs, what? Twelve dollars? Then, at the bottom, to add insult to injury, on the line for a signature, they include a space for a thumbprint in case you can't read or write! And while they're at it, they might as well give us some fire water and smallpox infested blankets and send us back to our tipi! Also, both the signature and the thumbprint must be witnessed and the witness has to complete his OWN form!

Lastly, the envelope they included in the packet was prestamped, adding an additional 37 cents to the cost of getting me my 29 cents!

I am blown away by the waste both of my time and government money. If they had told me that since my account was under a dollar, it had been used to help feed hungry children on the Navajo reservation, I would have been fine with that. Heck, if they said since it was under TEN dollars, I still would have been fine with that. But to spend 100 times the value of the account in order to close it is just plain stupid. There's no way I'm going to take the time to fill out all these forms and get them witnessed--and by doing so, I've cost the government even MORE money--no wonder we can't afford national health care! (I sincerely apologize to any of my readers who are in the ranks of the working poor.)

4 comments:

Dave D. said...

That's the price you pay for being a conquered people. Seriously, since working for a school district the amount of waste just shocks me. And it is really in all areas, not just the beuracracy (although that's the primary offender). I'm just amazed how little you're supposed to be getting. I would've thought it to be more.

Anonymous said...

This sounds more like a fantastic ruse to steal your identity... signature, driver's licence, SS card, birth certificate, and fingerprints! Aren't these all of the things on the DO NOT list when warning people about preventing identity theft? Who's ever heard of needing all of these things to get money from the government? I am sure all of the welfare people come out of the government office every month looking like an Iraqi voter - NOT!
:-)

Anonymous said...

Cost of phone call to BIA = $0.78

Cost of paperwork and man hours spent to get check made out = $1000

Cost to mail said check = %0.39

The look on Jeremy's face when he shows off the framed picture of the $0.29 check hanging on his wall

....PRICELESS

Dave D. said...

What Jarrod said!